My favorite Crotchety Old Bastard has launched the Oxygen Thief Hall of Fame and is currently accepting nominations.
After several weeks of negotiations, we have finally decided to begin the process of creating our OXYGEN THIEF HALL OF FAME. The Hall will be updated yearly by our panel with input from our readers.
The most critical issue right now is the Charter Members List. To that end, I humbly ask the readers here to submit their personal list and also ask that you send this request to friends, other bloggers, post on your own blogs, etc. The key is to create an unimpeachable inaugural class of Oxygen Thieves.
You can email your nominations to COB at Crotchety Old Bastard. The Hall of Fame is seeking nominations in the following categories…
Learn more about the Oxygen Thief Hall of Fame and send in your nominations by February 27th. And tell your friends to do the same! Sgt Hook out.
Posted by Hook @ 1222 zulu | Comments & Trackbacks (4) | Permalink
This post is filed under: La Vita Dolce & Now That's Funny
DoD Daily News linked with
"Oxygen Thief" Hall of FameBill's Bites linked with
Oxygen Thief Hall of Fame Inaugural Nominations Needed
The email began with an interesting greeting, Happy New Year My Dear. Though I was taken a bit back, I decided to throw caution to the wind and read on.
Happy New Year my dear,
I know that you will be surprise reading from unknown person but all I will like you to understand is that, God have already bless you and your entire family in this 2007 through this proposal. In a brief introduction, my name is George Michael, 26 years old. My intention of contacting you is to help me handle the investment of 12.6 million usd that I inherited from my late father, which he deposited in the bank before his sudden death. Urgently confirm your willingness to help me handle the investment of this money with honesty, without betraying my trust in you.
I will be waiting for your reply as you finish reading this message with your direct telephone number to enable me call you immediately and furnish you with more details, upon my confirmation of your willingness to assist me.
Best Regards,
George Michael
Wake me up before you Go Go! George Michael was emailing little ‘ol me. And he had some cash!!! After re-reading the letter several times I realized that this George Michael must be a different George Michael than the one I initially thought him to be. I mean, the grammar alone was not that of an accomplished song writer/singer.
After coming to grips with who had written the email, I began to wonder what exactly it was George Michael was asking me to do? Invest his money? I mean, I’m pretty sure that I could invest in a helluva lot of shoes with 12.6 million dollars. I decided it prudent to ask George Michael for some clarification.
My dear friend Michael, it is with great honor and privileges that I bestow my sincerest gratitudes for your solicitation of my assistance. I urgently confirm my willingness to help handle your investments and am trusting that you are not trying to take advantage of my generosity and sincerity and do indeed seek my counsel. I have just one inquiry… what’s in it for me?
Bless yous,
Hook.
Of course George Michael was quick to respond and help clear up any confusion on my part. As it turns out, he was hoping to create opportunities for me and open doors that wouldn’t ordinarily be opened to a mook like myself.
Dear Hook,
Thanks for your immediate reply to my proposal and appreciate your willingness to help me secure this money that I inherited from my late father into a good business field in your country. Dear, to enable us act fast in this transaction, send me your complete names, your full address , direct telephone number and one of your picture to enable me submit it to the bank and introduce you officially to them as my foreign partner whom this money deposited by my late father in their bank will be transfer to his bank account for a joint business investment with you in your country.
I will be looking forward to hear back from you with this requested informations. Dear Hook, I am assuring you that this my inheritance will creat alot of financial doors in your life and entire family, all I request most from you is your honesty and faithfulness.
Best regards,
George
As things were becoming more clear to me, I didn’t hesitate to reply…
George,
I am truly sorry to hear about your loss and pray that your father is in a better place. Again it is with great pleasure that I am willing to facilitate my assistance in your transactionary financial dealings, I only ask just how much financial doors opening are we talking about, if you know what I mean.
Regardless,
Hook.
To wit George Michael responds…
Dear Hook,
Thanks for your reply.
Dear Hook, out of this total 12.6 million usd that I inherited from my late father, I will give you 7% for your humanly assistance. Again, on my arrival to your country after the confirmation of this money in your account, before we put the rest of the money into investment, we will minus 5% for my re-settlement in your country, while the balance of the money remains for the investment which you will be handling on behalf until I becomes familiar with the business line. Also, you will be benefiting from every profit made from the investment, which we will discuss on my arrival.
Dear Hook, I know that you will be happy for this 7% that I have mapped out for you, send me your complete names, your full address , direct telephone number and one of your picture for the official introduction in the bank.
I will be looking forward to hear back from you.
George
An offer like that of course warrants a counter offer…
Michael,
I don’t know who you think you are dealing with here, but I assure you that I did not just fall of the turnip truck. While I appreciate your offer of 7%, we both know who is taking the larger risk here given the banking laws of my country. Having said that, I think we can both come to a mutual agreement of 10% to get the ball rolling, proverbial speaking, until which time that you arrive and we can hammer out future dealings and investments.
I look forward to hearing from you soonest and doing business with you in the future.
Assuredly,
James M. Hook
I think I struck a nerve as George Michael quickly responded asking for my phone number…
Dear Hook,
Thanks for your reply.
What actually are you taking about now concerning the 7%? is it small? Explain to me in details. Moreover, I will like to have your direct telephone so as to talk to you orally on the phone.
I wait for your reply.
George
So I spell it out for him…
My friend George,
My concern, as I am sure is yours, is that in moving such a large amount of money through my bank will not go unnoticed and must be properly explained if authorities should inquire and it seems that I am the one taking most of the risk so yes, I think that 7% might be a little low and think that 10% would help to make taking the risk easier.
Again, I’m very grateful for this opportunity and hope you can understand the situation I may find myself.
James Hook.
A compromise…
Dear Hook,
Thanks for your reply.
I have accepted to give you 10% since it is a percentage that will make you happy. Now, to enable us act fast in getting the money to your account, send me your full name, full residential address and your direct telephone number to enable me submit it to the bank and introduce you officially to them as my foreign partner whom their bank will transfer this money to his account, so that they will open up a direct communication with you for the transfer.
I will be looking forward to hear back from you with the requested informations.
Best regards,
George
My turn to give a little…
My dearest George,
What a great pleasure it is doing business with you and I am in great appreciation for your appreciation for my stature in that I did not just fall of that proverbial turnip truck and I am indeed pleased to accept your offer of 10%. So to further enable a quick transaction allow me to provide the requested information in a timely manner to your banking officials. My full name is James Michael Hook and my full address is #1 East 161 Street, Bronx, NY 10451. My full phone number is (718) 293-4300 (if I’m not there, leave a message and I’ll call you right back…business you understand).
George my friend, I’m a little nervous about your mention of a “foreign partner” in your latest email. I’m in so much as trusting you with this financial transactions, however, now you bring in a third parties and how do I know if I can trust him? I have kept up my end and not brought in another second or third party but am concerned that perhaps I should contact my lawyer? Please provide me with some advice given these drastic changes in circumstances.
As always,
Hook.
Any New York Yankee fans out there? Anyway, I did not hear back from George Michael for several days so I sent a follow up email…
George,
I have not heard from your banking officials nor have I received a check in the mail….what gives my friend?
Hook.
I’m a bit concerned that my dear friend George Michael might have run into some trouble. If anyone has heard from him please send him my regards and let him know that I await his reply. Thanks. Sgt Hook out.
Posted by Hook @ 0324 zulu | Comments & Trackbacks (7) | Permalink
This post is filed under: Now That's Funny
OK, if you read a second post in the blogosphere this week, make it this one.
Airline employees should be aware that many of the St. Patrick’s Day Celebrants will begin the celebration process before arriving at the airport and will continue while waiting for the flight to depart. Employees are encouraged to be patient with this group of travelers if they seem have some difficulty walking or speaking clearly.
Once aboard the aircraft, the Celebrants will likely continue the celebration process and will often, at some point during the flight, break into song. We recommend that they be seated together so as to cause minimal annoyance to the other passengers on the aircraft when this occurs.
It is also extremely important to be prepared for some fisticuffs between and among the Celebrants. Be observant for the behaviors that often signal an impending pugilistic encounter, such as loud discussions of soccer or phrases such as, “That’s me sainted mother yer talkin’ about, Paddy!” If a ritual brawl does break out, please assure the other passengers that such contests are confined to members of the group of Celebrants and that collateral damage is not usually a problem.
And yes, that is an order soldier. Go read NOW! Sgt Hook out.
Posted by Hook @ 0238 zulu | Comments & Trackbacks (3) | Permalink
This post is filed under: Americana & Now That's Funny
It looks as if while I was reporting from Heaven, the Onion’s got Hell covered.
JAHANNEM, OUTER DARKNESS—The hijackers who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon expressed confusion and surprise Monday to find themselves in the lowest plane of Na’ar, Islam’s Hell.
Oh, and for those concerned, I’m not sure, but I think that it is a piece of fiction as well. Sgt Hook out.
Hotel Tango Pixie.
Posted by Hook @ 1830 zulu | Comments & Trackbacks (5) | Permalink
This post is filed under: Know thy Enemy & Now That's Funny
